5 major traumas that destroy our lives

50  2 min

Sоmе years ago, I wanted to find out why in some people everything happens with ease and things work out, while in others, life is suffering. Then I discovered for myself the book by Lise Bourbeau 5 wounds that prevent you from being yourself. I was reading it and I couldn’t believe how clearly and logically everything was described and when you understand the mechanisms – you know what you can change.

Let’s see your traumas and what we can change:

1. The trauma of the rejected child – it is formed when we were not wanted. Maybe the parents were not ready or they already had other children, or someone in the family did not want us, and then in the womb, we felt that rejection. People with this trauma find it very difficult to want and allow things; they try not to burden anyone with themselves. They often forbid themselves even to dream. They are quiet and shy and inside themselves, they do not believe they deserve it. These people have broken basic trust in the world.
2. The trauma of abandonment – it is formed when the mother abandons the child. There may be deceased parents in early childhood, there may be a divorce or another child was born, maybe the mother is forced to work and cannot be with her child during the first year. Then people with such a trauma find it difficult to be in a relationship and build closeness. It is like they say internally: When I needed you, you were not there, and now I don’t need you. Often these are quite successful people in their careers because they prove themselves there, but it is extremely difficult for them to build a really deep relationship.
3. The trauma of the masochist – it is formed if there is violence and harassment in the family both mentally and physically. Often these are very critical mothers who blame their children for all the difficulties. Children then cannot grow up and have high self-esteem, often they fall into the position of a victim and do not know how to accomplish their mission.
4. The trauma of betrayal – it occurs when children have grown up by double standards and there is betrayal, infidelity, and lies in the family and children feel that there are no clear rules and standards. Then these people want to control and cannot trust others. Often they become people who lie, are not able to be monogamous, people become criminals and liars with this trauma.
5. The trauma of stiffness – these people have grown up within very narrow limits that they have to do this way and not in any other. Mothers often suffer from a sense of perfection and pass it on to their children. These people act slowly and do not take bolder steps until they are convinced that they will do it very well. This leads to too much anxiety – that I am not good enough.

This is a very brief description of the traumas. We can have 5 traumas at the same time, someone can provoke a specific trauma in us.

The idea is to find out which trauma is currently dominant in us. How we got it and how we can overcome it. The bad news – the trauma itself cannot be healed and it is important to have therapy in order to change.

Love,
Natalia Kobylkina
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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