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He dumped me. He didn’t even explain why. He just left and said that he had shown me many times that things were not ok, but I did not see him. Damn … don’t I deserve a second chance? I cannot imagine my life without him! How do I get him back?
Men do often suggest but do not say that things are not ok. Unlike women who say but do not suggest that there are problems.
How men suggest it:
- he has no sexual attraction, does not show affection and caresses before and during sex, and often prefers to watch porn rather than having sex with you;
- he does not take care of his body and can go to bed without having a shower;
- he prefers to watch TV rather than talk to you;
- he runs away from home (maybe he is not there physically, he works constantly, or maybe he is not there mentally – he is on his phone or computer);
- he does not plan anything with you;
- he says that everything is Оk, he is just tired;
- he stares at other women;
- you haven’t shared anything really personal for a long time;
- he prefers to go on vacations always with your children and friends, he doesn’t want to go on vacations only with you;
- it is like he is not there with you, you feel lonely and you can say that you live as roommates;
If you experience a lot of the above, now is the time to beat the bells and start changing things!
- First, admit it: We have a problem. Admit it to yourself, not to him!
- Second, realize when exactly it started and what caused it.
- Third, write down what you are not doing and where you have stopped fighting for him and your love.
- Fourth, find out what he loves and be part of it. If he loves football – go there with him, if he loves to go out for a beer with friends – your place is there. We love people with whom we can share important and emotional moments.
- Fifth, share your secrets with him – often exactly the secrets do not allow us to approach the other. At Happy Woman Academy we work a lot with secrets and I see how many things are hidden and how exactly the things we are ashamed of and worry about, create distance.
If he has already left:
- Give him some time to see what’s out there. Often, when we are in a relationship, we think that crazy love and sex are waiting for us outside. This is not exactly true. When we end a relationship, often the next few relationships are not successful and after quick sex, we begin to miss the so-well-known and beloved ex-partner.
- So, watch his posts on Facebook and wait for the right moment.
- Make him jealous. Take a photo with a nice guy and show how happy you are and send him the text: Thank you for dumping me! If it wasn’t for you, I would have never met the love I have right now. He has to realize that you have also a choice and there are men who want to be with you. And wait again.
- The next step – an accidental meeting. Of course, you need to be beautiful and smell good and go by accident to the place where he has lunch. Tell him that you are very hungry too and while you both are having lunch try to look very happy and flirt with him, at the end you say: Oh, I have a special date, thank you for the lunch (let him pay the bill – he starts giving to you again). And then just wait… The ball is in his hands now. There is a big chance that he says: How beautiful she is, I want to fight for her and be with her!
- Get him back step by step and you must make a contract between the two of you before you go back to him!
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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