First love yourself, then others

41  2 min

This is not egoism but maturity
If we don’t love ourselves we can’t love anyone else. Many people confuse love for themselves with egocentrism and selfishness but those notions have nothing in common.

What does it mean to first love yourself? When we “love ourselves” this gives us an opportunity to really accept ourselves with all of our perfections. Being proud of yourself is an incredible feeling, to put a hand on your heart and say: “Yes! I love myself!” To love yourself means appreciating yourself, accepting yourself the way you are, to have self-respect.

When I started loving myself I found out that sorrow and suffering are only warning signs for the fact that I live against my own truth. Now I know this is called “authenticity.

When I started loving myself I found out how strong you can affect somebody by pushing them towards fulfilling their own wishes before the time comes and the person to still not be ready, and this person is me. Today I call this “recognition”.

When I started loving myself I stopped aiming for somebody else’s life and I suddenly saw that everything that is around me invites me to grow. Today I call this “maturity”.

Of course, in order to reach true love for yourself is the hardest, the easier is to take responsibility for somebody else’s happiness. And is because nobody thought us think in this direction.

In fact it’s much easier to give – this way we feel innocent, good and kind. When, however, we take, we are worried because we are bothered by questions: “Do I deserve it?”, ”Is this right”, “Am I entitled to it?” And then the moment comes when we need to say: “Yes, I deserve it!”, “Yes, I am smart and beautiful”, “Yes I can!” And then you will see that this self-confidence brings a great wave of change in your relations. We all want to have wonderful partners who are liable, have self-confidence, are full of faith and are successful but we forget that they want the same.

This is why we first teach people to love themselves and then the others. It’s about vibrations and energy that should be two-way. This is very noticeable in the relations between men and women. When we don’t love men and we think they are no good, these are the only men around us. Her advice is to see the strength in men, to understand them, to respect their soul, because men such as women are very sensitive and vulnerable, despite not showing it. This is also valid for the attitude of men towards women. How is it possible when you don’t love yourself to expect the other person to love you? Yes, you can have a relationship but it in no way will be what you want – a true love. It will be rather full of dependencies, fears and in time relations will fail. When a person is not satisfied with himself he is always negative and this vibration is taken in by the partner and he soon answers with the same, disclosing the mechanism of unfortunate couples. If we want to have stable and beautiful relations, first we need to love ourselves because this will allow us to perfect and thus attract the person we search for, to make our dreams come true.

Love,
Natalia Kobylkina
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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