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What prevents us from being happy?

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What prevents us from being happy?

What prevents us from being happy?

There is a very widespread myth about happiness that exists, but no one understands it is just a myth. People say: “I want to be happy, but the circumstances just do not permit it.” That is not true. People don’t want to be happy really. Working with hundreds of people every day, I have noticed how hard they try to keep themselves suffering and how they do whatever they can to make themselves feel bad. And if by any chance they begin to feel better, they cannot take it for too long, and soon go back to the level of suffering they are familiar with.

So what prevents us from being happy?

The answer is – our inner intolerance towards happiness. It is very rare for a child to grow up in a family where everything was fine – the father loved the mother and was always kind and caring to her and the mother, in her turn, loved and admired the father, and was grateful to him. It is very rare that anyone said to a child: “Be Happy! You were born to experience joy and to give and receive love.”

It is very rare that we were told: “There is money everywhere!”, “You will always live in abundance.” Rather we were told: “Behave yourself!”, “Don’t disturb anyone!”, “Stop asking for things!”,” Be modest!”, “Money comes to you only if you work really hard!”, etc. That is why we are not used to being happy. We are accustomed to suffering, to living a hard life, to waiting for the day when something will finally change, and every time the Universal presents us with an opportunity (and it always does), we never take advantage of it and just miss it.

How to change that and be happy?

1. On a scale of 0 to 10, determine your current level of happiness, where 0 is – completely miserable; 5 – relatively happy, and 10 – extremely happy. In order to change things, you should first be able to identify where you are now.

2. Divide a piece of paper into two columns – in one of them write down the things that make you happy and in the other – list those that upset you, make you feel helpless, miserable, abandoned. For example, going to bed early and going to the gym makes me feel happier while stuffing myself with chocolate and putting on weight make me feel really miserable. And then, one by one start getting rid of the things that make you unhappy, the key here is to do that gradually – choose one thing a month to remove from your life and at the same time keep adding to it more of the things that make you feel happy.

3. Write a list of the people you currently communicate with most. How many of them are truly happy? If they aren’t, stop communicating with them, or at least change your topics of conversation.

4. Gradually start expanding your happiness zone. When you are feeling good – say to yourself: “I am feeling good now, and tomorrow will be even better!” Many people are afraid that if everything is fine with them now, tomorrow things will get much worse. This is not true.

5. Eradicate from your vocabulary the expression “Yes, but!” No more “Yes, buts!” What you should say instead is “Let it be!”

6. Focus on the good things that happen in your life and keep adding more of them.

7. Stop watching and reading the news! We are constantly being informed about how horrible everything is and there is hardly ever any good news. Watch only films that make you feel good and fill you with positive energy.

8. Get rid of the black clothes in your wardrobe! Wear only bright and lively colors. You wouldn’t dress your child in black, would you? Why are you doing it to yourself then? No more black!

9. Positive beliefs. The mind can be reprogrammed through new beliefs. Say to yourself at least 100 times a day: “I’m happy and I’m feeling happier every day. I deserve to be happy. Anything is possible. Miracles come into my life. “

10. Learn to laugh at yourself. If you are unable to do that, it would be very difficult for you to attract joy into your life. If you don’t know what laughing at yourself means, watch the film Bridget Jones’s Diary. It demonstrates very well how it is done.

11. Love! Love yourself, love others, love this world!
As you do these things, you will see happiness come into your life more and more often!

Natalia Kobylkina
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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