How to let go of the role of victim and take your life into your hands?

28  2 min

So often I hear you say „Nothing happens to me, nothing works out.“, „I feel like my life is on pause.“, „I live my days like a ghost, I am not noticed, nor heard.“

When I ask in more detail about the situation and why you think it is like that, I immediately understand from what you have said, that you have simply put on the role of “eternal victim”. And the worst thing is that you don’t even realize how comfortable you feel in it and that you don’t what to be anything else!

You are in the role of „ETERNAL VICTIM” if:

• you find an excuse for everything in your life  – both for what has happened and for what has not;
• you always look for the fault outside of you;
• you prefer to be unhappy than to get into confrontations;
• you don’t know how to say „no“ and you agree with everything
• you do not stand your ground;

Usually, women victims have developed very little or not at all their Queen archetype.

What does it mean to be a woman in the Queen archetype? It means that you are:
– strong, independent, confident;
– financially independent of parents and men;
– aware of your own worth and value;
– able to stand your boundaries and to achieve what you desire.

The question is how to become a Queen from the victim that you have been all your life? Here are 3 easy steps:

1. Change your attitude towards yourself! You want others to have a high opinion of you and to respect you, but you do not value yourself. So make a list of 100 things that you like about yourself (physical and personal qualities). For example, I am very organized, I cook well, I have beautiful hair.
2. Exercise with a mirror. Many of you have internal blockages and believe that you don’t get certain things or that something doesn’t happen to you because you don’t deserve it. You say to yourself „Why should it happen exactly to me? „I am no more special than the others“, and so on. So every morning, before you brush your teeth, look at your reflection in the mirror straight in the eyes and say (out loud) „I deserve it“.
3. Say „no“. This is one of the most difficult exercises and usually many people feel resistant about it. The idea is when someone asks you about something or wants something from you, but you don’t feel like doing it, to simply refuse – kindly but with confidence.

I am aware that the change will not happen just in three steps, but they are a good starting point. Trust me, if you follow them, within a month, you will have remarkable progress!

If you want to delve into the topic of confidence, success, and standing your boundaries, I recommend the training “Healing the Inner child” and “The perfect woman. The Queen.”.

Love,
Natalia Kobylkina
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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