The Test That Shouldn’t Make You Anxious… It’s time to see if you’re emotionally intelligent or not!

83  3 min

“The word emotion stands for energy in motion.”

• Robert Kiyosaki in Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Unlike other mammals, we, humans, have a distinct trait: we feel emotion. From anger and sadness to joy and excitement, there’s a wide range of emotions we experience on a daily basis.

As Kiyosaki makes clear, emotion is utterly natural. What I’d like to make clear, however, is that there are productive emotions (and energy) and unproductive emotions (and energy).

What separates successful, happy people from unsuccessful, miserable ones is that while the former is in control of their emotions, the latter is controlled by their emotions. Hence, while the first has recognized that emotions can be engines of progress, the second has come to see them as enemies.

Understand: to grow in charge of your emotions and use them as engines of progress, you need to harvest emotional intelligence.

Instead of letting you bash your head against the wall, though, I decided to prepare you a brief test to help you determine whether you’ve already developed emotional intelligence or not. Use it to reflect on yourself and your behaviour and spot room for growth!

It’s really simple. Check out the seventeen questions below and answer with a yes or no. If you have more yeses than nos, then you, my darling, are in dire need to develop emotional intelligence. If you’ve got more nos, congratulations! You’ve harnessed the power of your emotions.

Here’s your emotional intelligence test (or checklist—it’s all a matter of perspective):

1. Have you ever spotted yourself taking everything personally? 

2. Have you ever struggled to take criticism, even when it was entirely constructive?

3. Have you ever felt insulted and triggered by someone’s innocuous comment?

4. Have you ever failed to understand a joke because it triggered your insecurities?

5. Have you ever ended up in a troublesome relationship where miscommunication and misunderstanding were common?

6. Have you ever had difficulties connecting and empathizing with others?

7. Have you ever faced the need for change and been unable to cope with it?

8. Have you ever caught yourself overreacting?

9. Do you tend to blame others and always see someone as the persecutor, the bully?

10. Do you often fail to read the room and get social cues?

11. Do you ever talk incessantly about yourself without listening to others?

12. Do you react impulsively, moved by emotion and unable to think things through? 

13. Do you ever blame others, particularly your partner, for your problems?

14. Do you tend to try to change people instead of changing yourself?

15. Do you tend to respond defensively or aggressively when given feedback or criticism?

16. Do you shut off everyone whose opinions and beliefs differ from your own?

17. Do you feel like your emotions are in charge of you rather than the other way around?

Well, how many yeses do you have? 

Come on… Don’t be shy! 

The first step to developing emotional intelligence is being truthful with yourself—and, later, with others. Becoming emotionally intelligent is a process, but you’ll know you’ve succeeded when…

• You finally regulate your emotions: You are able to identify and manage your emotions in a healthy way. If you feel angry, you might take a step back and take a few deep breaths before reacting. You don’t engage with your emotions; you observe them.

• You freely empathize with others: You can put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their perspective. When a friend is going through a tough time, you offer a listening ear and show compassion.

• You communicate effectively: You are able to express your emotions and needs clearly and respectfully. You say “I feel hurt when you speak to me that way” instead of lashing out.

• You adapt to change: You navigate new situations and challenges with flexibility and resilience. If you’re faced with unexpected obstacles at work, you might brainstorm new solutions and pivot your approach.

• You prioritize self-care: You value your own well-being and take steps to maintain your mental and physical health. You might schedule time for exercise, meditation, or therapy to manage stress and promote balance in your life.

• You don’t take things personally anymore: You understand everyone is going through their own things, and stuff is hardly ever about you. So you keep pursuing your self-interest without letting others defer you.

I hope this article has shed light on the nature of emotional intelligence and helped you determine just how emotionally intelligent you are. 

If you wish to end all troublesome emotions, develop more emotional intelligence, and progress in all areas of your life, from work and networking to romantic relationships, welcome to my upcoming program Emotions: From Enemies to Engines of Progress. Grab your spot now: Here>

Let’s grow more emotionally mature and harness the power of our emotions together!

I cannot wait to see you soon.

With love,

Natalia Kobylkina