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Being dependent on a relationship is similar to any other addiction. Gradually, everything around you starts to seem more unstable, you lose a clear sense of who you are, and ultimately, you stop caring for yourself in the name of the other person and the relationship.
What are the signs that you might be in a dependent relationship?
The relationship is more challenging than smooth. It’s normal for all relationships to have occasional difficulties and problems – feeling hurt, angry, or disappointed by your partner, and having conflicts from time to time. However, if you constantly focus on the relationship instead of your life and interests, and if conflict and drama seem to happen almost every time you’re together, there’s a good chance you’re in a dependent relationship.
Your emotions in the relationship are extreme. Addictive relationships can be like drugs – in the good moments, they make you feel on top of the world, but when problems arise, you experience a nervous breakdown. You may even feel physically ill when trying to break free from an addictive relationship, showing symptoms similar to someone withdrawing from drugs.
You are not yourself in the relationship. You might typically be fun, sweet, and relaxed, but in this relationship, you’re like someone else – tense, sour, irritable, unable to relax, and not sure why.
You have a constant feeling of unease inside. Nervousness can be accompanied by ongoing anxiety or even mild depression.
You’ve started to question who you really are. Dependent relationships disregard your desires and boundaries. You often do things you don’t even like, always defer to what the other person says, and let them make all the decisions instead of considering what you think and feel. You might find yourself questioning not only your values but also your hobbies, interests, the future you want, and even who your friends are.
A decline in self-esteem. Dependent relationships not only come with conflicts that lower your self-esteem but also make you feel helpless, self-critical, and filled with negative thoughts about yourself.
You’re always tired or unwell lately. Relationships based on dependency create constant stress, leading to increased cortisol levels. This causes fatigue and weakens the immune system.
You’ve neglected other areas of your life. You may have stopped engaging in your favorite hobbies, and seeing friends, and neglected some of your self-care routines.
You keep things about the relationship hidden from friends and family. Just like any addiction, a part of you knows that what you’re doing isn’t healthy, even if you can’t consciously admit it to yourself. This can manifest as hiding certain situations or facts from your loved ones to make things appear better than they are.
Even though you often want to leave, you can’t. In moments when you want to end the relationship, you suddenly feel completely powerless. You experience strong panic or even fear at the thought of separating. If you do manage to leave, you quickly return to the relationship. You might have a recurring pattern of breaking up and reconciling in your life.
Often, the root of dependent relationships lies in our own past traumas. That’s why I will be hosting the webinar Break Free From Codependent Relationship
After this course, you will:
- Build healthy relationships free from dependence.
- Overcome your most painful childhood traumas.
- See your partner without projecting your issues.
- Live in love, acceptance, and personal choices.
With love,
Natalia Kobylkina
