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In dating, you’re either on the offensive or on the defensive; you’re seducing or you’re being seduced. The dating field, however, is hard to play, and only the most skilful of players score. The rules of the game keep changing. Exclusivity is longer out of bounds, and players can make a pass at almost anyone, tackling and nutmegging along the way.
Dummies are a fool-proof strategy, used to increase one’s own attractiveness. Dangerous play is common, especially among women. And, worst of all, red flags no longer take players out of the game. If anything, they score an additional point or two–for depth, possibly, or even for uniqueness.
If that’s the case, I wonder, how can anyone win? Has dating become an unwinnable game? Or, perhaps, is there a secret, effective strategy that only the most successful players know?
There is! In dating, just as in any other sport or life endeavour, there is a strategy that you can employ to win the game!
- Know the game. Before you start dating, you’ve got to know both the unspoken rules of dating and yourself. Where are you located? What sort of men are around? Is your culture marriage-friendly? What type of partner are you looking for? There is a set of questions you must answer before you even start going on dates!
- Know your worth. As I explain in my book 33 Days to the Dream, which you can find here https://33daystothedreams.com/, every one of us has a certain value in the dating marketplace. You can only date people whose value is identical to yours. Take, for instance, a 23-year-old model and a 40-year-old businessman. They have equal value. Take, on the other hand, a 23-year-old man and that same model — the model’s value is higher than her partner’s.
- Be patient. As much as this may sound like a cliche, you’ve got to kiss many frogs before you find your prince. Dating is a number’s game. You cannot expect the right person to waltz into your life without you doing anything. You’ve got to set yourself up for success, whether by changing your appearance, socialising more, or employing a matchmaking agency. You’ve got endless options, but you need to be proactive and patient.
For those of you who would like to learn more and score big in the dating marketplace, welcome to my FREE online program Dating 101. I will uncover the secrets to flirting, presenting yourself in the right way, seducing men, and forming a successful relationship. You don’t want to miss this!
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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