Could You Change a Man?

120  2 min

Many movies have the following scenario: a man falls in love and changes to be with his chosen woman. This leads us, women, to live with the idea that we can tame the beast and turn him into Prince Charming. That’s exactly why we tend to fall in love with bad boys, manipulators, narcissists, and unsuitable men, only to ask ourselves, “Why is he not changing?”

Do you think changing a man is even possible?

I believe that:

• It’s challenging to change anyone, whether a man or a woman. It not only takes a lot of time and energy, but success is far from guaranteed. Is that something you even want to do? Why have you entered a relationship with a person you dislike?
• Man can only change when THEY want to do so. It doesn’t matter if this occurs at a conscious or an unconscious level.
• The men you attract reflect the type of woman you are. In order to change your partner, you need to change yourself first.

So, my dearest ladies, don’t make the mistake of starting a relationship with unsuitable men. Don’t hope to turn your partner into an entirely different person. All you can do is help him develop and grow into a better version of himself.

Let me illustrate with a metaphor. If you take a pebble from the beach, you could surely polish it, but you’ll never be able to turn it into a precious stone. You need to start with an emerald or a diamond, to begin with! Once you’ve got that, you can polish it and make it shine!

You may want your partner to:

• Spend more time with you and display affection.
• Eliminate his poor habits and start working out or eating better.
• Improve his style and his appearance.
• Clean up after himself and help you out at home.
• Stop doing what annoys and dissatisfies you.

Well, I have some good news for you! If you use our techniques, it’s absolutely feasible to push him in this direction.

Until then, here are some mistakes you should try to avoid:

• You give your partner conditions and ultimatums. You say things like, “If you don’t do this, I will leave you!” and “I won’t give you sex unless…”
• You compare him to other men. You, for example, utter things like, “My friend’s husband does X, but you do not!” or “My ex-partner…”
• You don’t communicate with him, expecting him to read your mind.
• You’re overly emotional. You cry, scream, and cause fruitless scandals. You judge your partner every time he does not however you want.
• You highlight his mistakes publicly. You humiliate him and attack his dignity. Instead of reacting as soon as he does something, wait a bit until you’re alone! Once you’re in private, share your concerns and calmly describe how his actions have hurt you!

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Love,
Natalia Kobylkina
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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