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Why do men need space? Why do men distance themselves after sex? Why do men not know what they want? These are just three of the many questions my clients often ask. Women, unfortunately, often struggle to understand men. Men—and the male brain—can be an utter mystery!
To help you solve this riddle, I’ve prepared a list of six truths about the male brain and behavior.
- There is no universal model of the way the male brain works. You cannot think that all men are the same! Every man—every person—is different. Therefore, if you do not understand the way your man behaves, you should know that his behaviour is the product of his own peculiarities as an individual—as well as those as a man. He is not you. You are different. So, please don’t ask questions like “Why are you doing this?” and “What do you feel towards me?”
- Men and women are not that different. Society has placed a fair bit of rules and expectations on men. They are supposed to be stronger and less emotional than women. Unlike their softer counterparts, men should not express their emotions; rather, they should keep it calm and cool, displaying a sense of distance at all times. Don’t let this fool you! Like you, men have emotions! Don’t try to guess what they’re feeling on the basis of their gender. Don’t assume you know how he feels about this or that just because he is a man and men are supposed to feel a certain way.
- Some men need space. There is this widespread myth that men withdraw when they’re in love. That’s wrong! It is simply easier for you to believe this is true than to acknowledge that the man is simply not that into you!
- Some men have attachment issues and a fear of abandonment. Being in love is scary. It, after all, makes you vulnerable, putting you in a situation that may not end too well. It is for this reason that many men avoid romantic relationships. And, as recent studies have shown, men are more likely to have those fears due to their upbringing and inability to be vulnerable. In other words, while society makes men strong, relationships make them vulnerable.
- Men don’t like thinking about their emotions too much. Many men share they feel a dose of inner resistance when talking about sadness, guilt, emotional pain, vulnerability, as well as all other sorts of emotions that can present them as “weak.” So, ladies, ask your partner questions that will lead him to talk about what’s going on. In case he does end up talking about his emotions, remain soft and accepting. Support him. This is the only way to make him feel safe and accepted around you.
- Men don’t understand what women want. Men cannot read your mind. You cannot expect them to know what you want unless you’ve told them. If you feel like your partner is not meeting your needs, talk to him! Communication is key. Don’t expect him to magically “know” what he is expected to do.
Keep these truths in mind when communicating with men. This, I know, will help you have better relationships and lead a better life! Good luck!
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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