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Sex is an inexhaustible topic… No matter how much we talk or write about sex, we can never really say all we wish to say! Sex arouses our curiosity, making us uneasy and in need of release—a revelation of sorts! Though many discuss different tricks and tips that can make sex better, few talks about the significance of the most important sex organ: the brain.
You cannot have good sex if your brain… is not a part of the game! Our stressful, hectic lives clog our minds with troubles, responsibilities, and never-ending duties. Plagued by the matters of the day, we struggle to rest, to let our brains roam free.
Well, guess what? Regardless of how skillful your partner is at stimulating the little bud between your legs, you will not get an orgasm unless you switch your mind off and let loose! And, to your dismay, this has been scientifically proven.
The hypothalamus, for example, is the part of the brain that is responsible for producing testosterone in men’s testicles. The amygdala, on the other hand, is the part of the brain that produces and records fear. These areas of the brain influence the way we respond to sexual stimulation. Men are more influenced by the hypothalamus and women—are by the amygdala. Under the hypothalamus’s influence, men have a higher sex drive and initiate sex more often. They are also less cautious when selecting sexual partners. Under the amygdala’s influence, women are choosier when it comes to their sexual partners. They are also more likely to allow stress, fear, and worries to weaken their sex drive.
Luckily, there are a couple of ways that will allow you to positively stimulate your brain and enjoy sex more than ever before!
- Sexual messages. If you don’t spend your entire days with your partner, you can take a couple of minutes to write them a sexual massage. Let them know what you like about them. Recall a time when you two had fun between the sheets—or somewhere outside. Give yourself at least five minutes and let your imagination run wild. The dirtier your thoughts, the better. This will get you in the mood for sex, just as it will arouse your brain. Do not worry, it will have the same effect on your partner!
- Erotic books and movies. This is a great method to tune into a sexual vibe, especially if you do not have a partner. In my sexology training, I use erotic stories. They help my clients get in the mood for sex! Also, let me clarify that by erotic movies, I don’t mean porn! You can watch films that are both visually and intellectually erotic. If you chose to read erotic novels, you should try to focus on the sex scenes, rather than the love story itself, as such love stories often inspire unrealistic expectations in women.
- Dirty words during sex. I’ve worked with couples who did not talk during sex. This is often a result of shyness and shame. Just like you should do in all other aspects of your relationship, you should strive to communicate during sex. Share what you like. Throw your restraints out of the window. Let loose. Give in to your fantasies. Tell your partner how much you want them, and how attractive you find them to be. Speak of the things you’d like to do together. Choose dirty words that are naughty but not vulgar. Play with the timbre of your voice and your intonation. Have fun with your movements and facial expressions.
Once we have learned how important it is to stimulate this powerful sexual organ – our mind, we can move on to other techniques and explore them HERE.
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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