Who is the Abuser?

101  3 min

In this day and age, the verb “abuse” has become very commonly used. The noun that derives from it–the word “abuser”–is just as common, coming to illustrate a person who practices physical or psychological violence. 

Unfortunately, however, while physical violence is rather easy to catch, psychological violence is not.

In that case, you may ask, how can we spot the signs someone is an abuser?

As the word “abuse” predisposes the appearance of synonyms like “violence,” “insult,” and “maltreatment,” it’s natural to assume that abusers harm others through insults, humiliation, manipulation, and gaslighting.

Many of the people around us can have abusive tendencies. Whether it’s those who are closest to us, including our family members and our partners, or those we meet on a daily basis, such as our bosses and coworkers, abusers come in different shapes and forms. The key way to spot them is relatively simple: they make you feel horrible.

There are four main types of abuse:

• Physical Abuse; 
• Emotional Abuse; 
• Sexual Abuse; and 
• Psychological Abuse.

How do abusers come to be?

Only deeply unhappy people will insult and harm others; happy people are busy being happy. As a rule of thumb, abusers suffer from a variety of psychological complexes; they are dissatisfied with themselves and their lives. Also, instead of facing their issues, they put the blame on the people around them.

Please understand that…

People who harm and insult you once—typically under the influence of rage or carried away by a sarcastic sense of humour–are not abusers. Yes, a sarcastic comment may hurt you, but it’s not classified as abuse. 

Abuse is a series of actions that harm, insult, and humiliate you. 

In other words, abuse is a continuous process rather than a one-time thing.

How to spot an abuser?

1. Aggression towards the weak and helpless. Abusers are most aggressive towards those who cannot protect themselves.
2. Endless criticism. All abusers notice is the bad; they have a special talent for finding the bad in every situation, which leads them to constantly complain and criticise. You’ll never hear them say a good word about anyone.
3. Taking over everything. Emotional abusers don’t give others any personal space, but that, too, makes sense. The closer they get to their victim, the more harm they can inflict.
4. Control. Abusers attempt to usurp control. They track your every move: where have you been? What have you been doing? Who did you meet? At work, they’re known as micromanagers.
5. Ending the victim’s relationships. Abusers distance their victims from their close ones, making them strictly “their own.” In this way, they make it easier to inflict damage on the victim, who no longer has anybody to support them. 
6. Saying stuff like “No one will love you as I do.” Together with all else, emotional abusers tend to assure their victims of their unyielding love for them. They convince their victims that they are unlovable–and that the only person who will ever love them is the abuser. Phrases like “Who would even look at you” and “No one needs or wants you in their life” are also common.

How can you protect yourself from an abuser?

Get ready to attack!

In order to push an emotional abuser away, you need to know where their weak points are. You also must understand that emotional abusers become stronger when you’re afraid of them and weaker when you’re unaffected by their abusive advances. 

You have two options: you either remain unaffected and ignore the abuser, which would be a form of indirect attack, or you do on the offensive and do ALL you can to eliminate the abuser from your life before they do that themselves. 

I realise this is easier said than done, of course–especially if you’ve already fallen prey to an abuser. Those who’ve been abused face significant hurdles when it comes to saying no and defending themselves. On one hand, they don’t know how to do it and choose to remain silent, thinking this to be the only way to keep the peace. On the other hand, they feel destroyed by the abuser’s attacks and fail to gather the strength to stand up against them.

Understanding it’s really difficult to stand up to abusers and push them out of your life, I created a new program: Caution! Abuser, where I will teach you, my ladies, how to deal with challenging situations like these.

Caution! Abuser gifts every woman precious knowledge about…

• Spotting abusers in the face of partners, friends, coworkers, and relatives;
• Countering the abusive and manipulative advances of abusers;
• Setting and maintaining personal boundaries;
• Believing in her worth, value, and importance as a woman;
• Leaving the role of a victim, as played in Karpman’s Drama Triangle;
• Changing her life IMMEDIATELY and for the better; and
• Realising she deserves a worthy, healthy, loving partner who protects and TREASURES her.

If you want to learn these things, welcome to this upcoming program! And don’t forget to share it with more women, especially those in difficult relationships, as this can literally save their lives. Here >

With love,

Natalia Kobylkina