How can You Stop Playing the Victim and Take Responsibility for Your Life?

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How can You Stop Playing the Victim and Take Responsibility for Your Life?

I often hear my patients say, “Nothing happens. Nothing. Nothing ever works out for me.” This, unfortunately, is not the only complaint I hear on a regular basis. Some of my girls share things like “I feel stuck, almost as if someone has put my life on pause” and “I live like a ghost, neither seen nor heard.”

Can you relate? Have you ever uttered these complaints yourself? If yes, let me admit the following: my long practice and professional experience have taught me that people who have those worries have usually assumed the role of a victim. They’re dissatisfied with their lives, not realizing how uncomfortable this victimhood mentality has made them feel.

You’re in the role of a victim if:

  • You rationalize everything, including those things that have not happened yet
  • You always seek blame without
  • You’re unable to say “No” and agree with everything
  • You don’t defend your views and opinions

Typically, women-victims lack the Queen Archetype; if they have small parts of you, however, you can rest assured it has not flourished successfully.

How can women enter the Queen Archetype? What is a Queen?

  • Strong and independent
  • Confident
  • Financially literate
  • Financially independent from their partner and family
  • Assertive and set clear boundaries

Yet, the question remains. How can YOU turn from a victim into a queen? Here are three easy steps:

Change the way you treat yourself!
You cannot expect other people to respect and value you when you do not respect and value yourself. Make a list of 100 things you love about yourself. These things can be both physical and psychological attributes, as well as notable good deeds you’ve done over the course of your life. Note, for instance, “I am beautiful. I have thick, luscious hair. My skin shines.”

Grab a mirror!
Many of you may have internal blockages. You may have convinced yourself that you don’t get and achieve the things you want because you’re undeserving of them. “Why would this happen to me, of all people?” you wonder. “I am not any more special than the girl next door!” you rationalize. Therefore, every morning, even before you’ve brushed your teeth, make sure to look at the mirror, stare into your eyes, and say: “I deserve it all!”

Say “No.”
This is one of the hardest exercises. People feel so resistant to saying “No.” The goal of this exercise is for you to assert your position—kindly, confidently—and say “No” whenever someone else is pushing you to do something you simply do not want to do.

I realize these three steps may not give you the metamorphosis you desire. However, they are a good beginning. If you follow them for a month, you will undoubtedly make progress!

Yet, if you recognize you need some extra guidance, I suggest the online course The Perfect Woman The Queen. This course will help you gain confidence, explore and assert your boundaries, and grow into the queens you’ve always wanted to be. Learn more HERE.

Natalia Kobylkina
Psychologist, family therapist, author
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