I recently spoke with a lady who asked me the following question, “Natalia, she said, “how do I know he’s cheating on me?”
I looked at her, thought for a second, and responded, “There are five ways to know. But, first, you’ve got to determine what situation you’re in. You could either be in situation one, where you are not yet living with the man, or you can be in situation two, where you are already married, but he has a mistress.”
Do you want to know if your partner is cheating on you? Let me help you out. Here are the signs he is cheating on you!
Signs he’s cheating on you if you don’t yet live together.
- He does not answer your calls and only returns them after a long time.
- He does not let you scroll through his phone or read his messages.
- He disappears without a reason.
- He does not invest in your relationship.
- He does not talk about long-term goals, such as marriage and children.
- You find different “girl things” in his car and apartment, such as hair ties, lipstick, and more.
- He does not introduce you to his friends and family.
- He does not walk his talk
Signs he is cheating on you if you are already married—or living together.
- He starts criticizing you for no obvious reason. This is usually a result of his guilt, as he feels bad, and blaming you makes him feel better.
- He hides his phone and does not show you his messages.
- He avoids sleeping with you and prefers to rest on the couch. He finds an excuse, such as the kids, the TV, or the internet—to justify his actions.
- He starts coming home later than he used to.
- He is always tired and not in the mood for conversation. He is not even hungry anymore!
- He retreats into himself and avoids emotional intimacy!
- He does not initiate sex, just as he avoids physical intimacy
- He tries to get back in shape and starts working out. He may try new forms of exercise or join a sports club, even if he’s never wanted to do so before.
- He says he is disappointed by life. “I need something new,” he may note to you.
- He goes on business trips regularly.
- He becomes very jealous. Because he is cheating, he seems to think that you, his partner, are doing the same.
- He reeks of another woman’s perfume and has traces of powder and lipstick on his clothes.
What Can You Do?
- First, breathe. Stressing out won’t solve the problem.
- Second, reflect on yourself and see what you have missed. For a while, you may have felt that something was off. You may have known that the relationship was going south, and, yet, you chose to pretend it was all fine.
- Third, take the presence of a mistress as a chance to develop yourself. Consider what you’ve neglected. When was the last time you did something for yourself? When was the last time when you pampered yourself? Also, try to reflect on the things you do not give your partner—and, respectively, the things this woman gives him.
As ironic as this may be, cheating often helps women change and makes their relationships 10 times stronger.
Now, let’s be more specific.
Here is what you can do if you are in a relationship, but are not living with him. For a month, be the perfect woman: be sweet, accepting, sexual, and loving. Communicate your expectations. Set clear standards and boundaries. You can, for instance, say, “I want to meet your parents. I want us to live together. I want us to get married.” Then, wait. If he does not do these things within the next 3 months, or however long you’ve noted you’d allow, you should leave him. After all, unless your partner is ready to meet your standards, that relationship will simply never succeed. Don’t waste your time.
And… here is what you can do if you are already living with him. View this situation as a chance to work on yourself. Find your mission and an interesting job. Get in shape and do activities that recharge you. Take up yoga, Pilates, or dancing. Change your haircut or your style. Buy yourself a new perfume—and new clothes! Flirt more. This will help you cope with your fear of abandonment. Go on a vacation with your female friends. Notice how beautiful life is—with or without a man. No matter what you do, seek to recharge yourself with powerful energy. Finally, if you decide to return to your man, set clear standards.
Say, for example, “I will not stay with you if you continue sleeping on the couch.” You could also note that you don’t agree he should go on business trips on the weekends. Of course, you could also make demands. “I want a bigger house!” you may note. If he truly loves you, he will agree to your demands and leave the other woman. However, if he refuses to make these changes, you should split up.
To conclude this, let me state one simple truth: you should not fear losing your partner. There are so many men in this world. The next one will come. Rather, be afraid of losing yourself, as this is the only person who will stay with you until the very end.
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Psychologist, family therapist, author
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