Signs of cheating and how to respond properly to it?
Recently I was talking to a lady I knew and she asked me: Natalia, are there any special techniques to find out if he is cheating on me and I am not the only one?
Of course, there are. However, let’s look at it through two prisms: when you are not yet living together and he has another parallel relationship; and if you are married and he has a mistress.
The first option – you are in a relationship where you do not live together:
It is very likely that he has a parallel relationship:
- if he often cannot pick up the phone and calls you back after a long time
- if he has his phone with him all the time and he does not let you read his text messages
- he often disappears without any reason and appears also so unexpectedly
- he does not invest a lot in the relationship
- he does not talk about marriage and children and he does not take any steps in that direction
- you find some female things in his car or in his place (if he takes you there)
- he does not introduce you to his friends and parents
- you notice that often his words do not match his actions, but you close your eyes about it
The second option – if you live together, how to find out if he has a mistress:
- he abruptly starts criticizing you (usually, this is the first criterion of his guilt, he feels bad and wants to blame you to feel better)
- he avoids sleeping with you and moves to sleep on the coach (he finds a common excuse -because of the kid, TV, internet, etc.)
- he starts to come back home after work later and later, he is always tired and doesn’t want to talk, often he is not even hungry
- he closes to himself and avoids emotional closeness
- he does not want to have sex with you and avoids any physical intimacy
- he decides that he wants to lose weight and get back into shape – he starts to go to the gym, to do new types of sport, extreme hobbies can appear – motorcycling, diving
- he says that he feels disappointed of his life, that he wants something new and that all his life he has devoted himself to you and now he wants to live for himself
- he has frequent business trips
- he hides his phone and he doesn’t show his text messages
- sometimes exactly when he cheats, he becomes super jealous because he thinks the woman does the same thing
- often he smells of a woman’s perfume or has traces of powder or lipstick
What shall we do in these cases:
- First, breathe – stress and fear won’t help you right now, at least the reason why he is so cold becomes clear.
- Second, its time to find out where you have failed yourself. You have been aware that things were not Ok, but nevertheless you pretended you didn’t know and didn’t start to talk about it.
- Third, a mistress is always an occasion for development and work on yourself. Think where you have forgotten about yourself and your partner, how you have left an empty space for the new woman, what you cannot receive from your partner and that is why the other woman does it.
Very often, exactly cheating will make you radically change and achieve huge success in your marriage.
If you are in a relationship, but you are not living together for a month, you should be the perfect woman – sweet, accepting, sexual and then when he sees how wonderful it can be – have an honest conversation with him and put clear conditions and standards.
For example, I want to meet your parents, I want us to live together, I want to get married; and if that doesn’t happen within 3 months (you choose the deadline) I prefer to split up and you really keep your promises. I often conduct seminars on healthy boundaries and School for bitches and that’s exactly what I teach women.
If your partner is not ready to meet your standards – leave, the relationship is doomed to failure and you do not need to waste more time in it.
If this is the man you live with, first, work on yourself.
- Find out your mission and an interesting job. Develop into it, feel the taste of success and that people like you.
- Get into shape and change your vision – gym, dances, yoga, something that recharges you. Change your style, hairstyle, new dresses and fragrances – it’s time for a change.
- Flirt – feel that you are still wanted and beautiful. It will help you to eliminate the feeling of fear and despair that your partner is the last chance in your life.
- Go on vacation with female friends – feel how beautiful life can be and that you can be happy without this man. Your task is to fully recharge yourself with energy at this stage. And only when you feel within your full energy, you go to your man and again put clear and precise standards.
For example, I am not going to stay in this marriage if you are going to sleep on the coach and you are not having sex with me. I do not agree that you go on business trips on the weekends. I want us to buy a bigger home and have another child, etc.
If he categorically does not want to make changes – it is time to split up and there is no point in continuing this agony. If he still loves you and wants to be with you after your transformation – he will leave the other woman and your relationship will go to a whole new high level.
In conclusion, I would like to say: Do not be afraid to lose your partner – you can have a lot of them in your life. Be afraid of losing yourself – you only have one yourself and beware.
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